I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
