We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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