What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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