I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
