Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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