You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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