There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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