his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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