life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
