i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
