i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
