Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
