please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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