Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
