somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
