1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
