i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
