Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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