So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
