i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
