I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
