I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
