If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We just shotgunned beers for America
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
