You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
