She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
