did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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