She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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