I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
