there's paper in my vomit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
