take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
