I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
