Where are you?
In a non slutty way
4 words: hood of his car
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
