Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
