True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
