I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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