Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
