we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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