dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Text me some of your sweat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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