please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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