this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
