I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
