ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
