I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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