we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
