Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
