It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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