Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
