How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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