Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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