Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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