He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
